{"id":6740,"date":"2017-06-18T14:05:09","date_gmt":"2017-06-18T14:05:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/site\/?page_id=6740"},"modified":"2017-06-18T14:14:38","modified_gmt":"2017-06-18T14:14:38","slug":"wise-words-volume-1","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/home-3\/quote-corner\/wise-words\/wise-words-volume-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Wise Words Volume 1"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
\n\t

The Lord never gives you any more than you can handle... Unless you die of something.<\/p>\n

Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we're not the person involved.<\/p>\n

Death is nature's way of saying \"Howdy!\"<\/p>\n

Wit is educated insolence.<\/p>\n

I knew that I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my first bath toys were a toaster and a radio.<\/p>\n

There's nothing wrong with teenagers that reasoning with them won't aggrevate.<\/p>\n

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.<\/p>\n

Love is an ocean of emotions surrounded by expenses.<\/p>\n

Love is a grave mental disease.<\/p>\n

An archaeologist is the best husband a woman could ever have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.<\/p>\n

Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.<\/p>\n

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt!<\/p>\n

Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.<\/p>\n

I'm as pure as the driven slush!<\/p>\n

Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone.<\/p>\n

Don't play leapfrog with a unicorn.<\/p>\n

Nothing is illegal if a hundred businessmen decide to do it.<\/p>\n

If it wasn't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of the television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.<\/p>\n

I haven't been wrong since 1980 when I thought I made a mistake.<\/p>\n

Always forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.<\/p>\n

Absence makes the heart go yonder.<\/p>\n

There's no pleasure in having nothing to do. The fun is having lots to do and not doing it.<\/p>\n

The only people who have a right to complain about what I do for a living are vegitarian nudists.<\/p>\n

Never accept a drink from a urologist.<\/p>\n

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.<\/p>\n

She had 2 complexions, A.M. and P.M.<\/p>\n

I consider exercise vulgar. It makes people smell.<\/p>\n

Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress; But I repeat myself.<\/p>\n

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight!<\/p>\n

I'd rather be black than gay, cause when you're black, you don't have to tell your mother.<\/p>\n

Roses are red, violets are blue. I'm schizophrenic and so am I.<\/p>\n

Better that a girl has beauty than brains, because boys see better than they think.<\/p>\n

I like talking to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.<\/p>\n

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.<\/p>\n

I would rather be a coward than brave, cause people hurt you when you're brave.<\/p>\n

The place of the father in the modern suburban family is a very small one. Especially if he plays golf.<\/p>\n

It is easier to be gigantic than to be beautiful.<\/p>\n

I only like two kinds of women: Domestic and Foreign.<\/p>\n

Where but in Kenya can a man, who's grandfather was a cannibal watch a really good game of Polo.<\/p>\n

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped right into action; they rented out my room!<\/p>\n

The best cure for hypochondria is to forget about your body and get interested in someone else's.<\/p>\n

New Invention -- Snap-on acne for people who want to look younger.<\/p>\n

Victory goes to the player who makes the next to last mistake.<\/p>\n

Newspapermen learn to call a murder an \"alleged\" murder, and the King of England the \"alleged\" King of England to avoid libel suits.<\/p>\n

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet remindes you of someone else.<\/p>\n

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.<\/p>\n

If you look like your passport photo, you're too ill to travel.<\/p>\n

After 3 days, fish and guests stink.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

<\/div>
\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\tNext Volume >>\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Lord never gives you any more than you can handle… Unless you die of something. Why is it that we rejoice at birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we’re not the person involved. Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy!” Wit is educated insolence. I knew that I was an unwanted baby […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":6625,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-6740","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6740","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6740"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6740\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6764,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6740\/revisions\/6764"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6625"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6740"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}