{"id":6677,"date":"2017-06-17T12:43:06","date_gmt":"2017-06-17T12:43:06","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/site\/?page_id=6677"},"modified":"2017-06-19T12:38:47","modified_gmt":"2017-06-19T12:38:47","slug":"facebook-volume-6","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/home-3\/quote-corner\/facebook-humor\/facebook-volume-6\/","title":{"rendered":"Facebook Volume 6"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, uh oh, I could be eating a slow learner...<\/p>\n

My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as \"Respect for Others!\"<\/p>\n

Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook timelines.<\/p>\n

Some people should use a glue stick instead of chap stick.<\/p>\n

Balloons are so weird. \"Happy birthday, here's a plastic sack of my breath.\"<\/p>\n

Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very easy-to-hike mountain and no one went to check.<\/p>\n

I wish there was a rollover plan for all the childhood naps I refused...<\/p>\n

God created the world in 7 days but took 9 months to create me. So clearly I\u2019m a big deal...<\/p>\n

I have a condition which prevents me from going on a diet\u2026it\u2019s called hunger.<\/p>\n

I would like to join whatever weight loss program my wallet is on because its working wonders!<\/p>\n

I don't care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper place mats with puzzles...GAME ON!!<\/p>\n

When I was a kid, my social network was called \"outside.\"<\/p>\n

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to try to make a living under the laws they've passed.<\/p>\n

As a kid, I was afraid of the dark. Now as an adult, I love the dark because I am terrified of the electric bill!<\/p>\n

The problem with taking the road less traveled is the poor phone signal...<\/p>\n

An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m glad we don\u2019t have to hunt for our food any more. I don\u2019t even know where sandwiches live...<\/p>\n

I like when Google answers my stupid questions because it means I'm not the only one asking Google stupid questions.<\/p>\n

If you feel a bit lonely, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up remember...You can always change your birthday on Facebook!<\/p>\n

Whoever said nothing is impossible...Never tried to staple water to a tree.<\/p>\n

If life gives you melons, you may be dyslexic.<\/p>\n

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football.<\/p>\n

I wonder if Chinese tourists get upset when they buy a souvenir from America and find out it was made in China...<\/p>\n

If you think you're having a bad day, just remember, somebody is going to have Snooki as a mom!<\/p>\n

Taylor Swift waved at a boy yesterday and he didn't wave back...So she will have a new album coming out tomorrow.<\/p>\n

Quit posting all your problems on Facebook! It\u2019s better to find solutions for them on Google!<\/p>\n

Scientists say that universe is made up of Electrons, Protons and Neutrons...They forgot to mention MORONS...<\/p>\n

If I was stranded on a desert island and I could only bring one thing, I would bring Dora. That girl has everything in that backpack!<\/p>\n

I've always wondered why it's called a walkie talkie, yet a vacuum isn't called a pushy sucky?<\/p>\n

Never in my life have I seen a tombstone that read: Died for not forwarding that e-mail to 10 people.<\/p>\n

One day I might just change all of my passwords to 'teenagers' since nobody can seem to figure them out.<\/p>\n

Want to freak out your neighbors? Name your Wifi \"FBI Surveillance Van.\"<\/p>\n

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don\u2019t like?<\/p>\n

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end, the faster it goes!<\/p>\n

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.<\/p>\n

Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?<\/p>\n

If Snapple comes from the best stuff on earth, then our planet really sucks.<\/p>\n

Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers? Men don't like flowers. I've been wearing a great new scent. It's called New Car Interior.<\/p>\n

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.<\/p>\n

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?<\/p>\n

Everyone hits a brick wall now and then, the trick is not to do it with your head.<\/p>\n

For every idiot proof system devised, a new, improved idiot will arise to overcome it.<\/p>\n

People can be divided into three groups: Those who make things happen, those who watch things happen, and those who wonder what happened.<\/p>\n

If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?<\/p>\n

The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband.<\/p>\n

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it and then misapplying the wrong remedies.<\/p>\n

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?<\/p>\n

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.<\/p>\n

Hospitality is the art of making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.<\/p>\n

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

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Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, uh oh, I could be eating a slow learner… My parents spanked me as a child. As a result, I now suffer from a psychological condition known as “Respect for Others!” Perfect relationships exist in thoughts, movies, and Facebook […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":6652,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-6677","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6677","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=6677"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6677\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6776,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6677\/revisions\/6776"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6652"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=6677"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}