{"id":12322,"date":"2017-11-16T06:47:51","date_gmt":"2017-11-16T13:47:51","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/site\/?page_id=12322"},"modified":"2017-11-16T06:51:32","modified_gmt":"2017-11-16T13:51:32","slug":"redneck-haven-volume-3","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/home-3\/quote-corner\/redneck-haven\/redneck-haven-volume-3\/","title":{"rendered":"Redneck Haven Volume 3"},"content":{"rendered":"

You might be a redneck if...<\/h3>\n
\n\t

You gene pool doesn't have a \"deep end\"<\/p>\n

\"Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?\" is what you hear right before you and your wife\/girl make love<\/p>\n

Your `huntin dawg' cost more than the truck you drive him around in.<\/p>\n

You'd rather catch bass than get some (if you can't guess...)<\/p>\n

You have a Hefty bag for a Car\/Truck convertable top.<\/p>\n

Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.<\/p>\n

You think that safe sex is a padded headboard on the waterbed.<\/p>\n

You have an Elvis Jell-o mold.<\/p>\n

You own more cowboy boots than sneakers.<\/p>\n

You've been to a funeral and there were more pick-ups than cars.<\/p>\n

You have a picture of Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson, or Elvis over your fireplace.<\/p>\n

You just bought an 8-track player to put in your car.<\/p>\n

There are four or more cars up on blocks in the front yard.<\/p>\n

The theme song at your high school prom was `Friends in Low Placces'<\/p>\n

It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.<\/p>\n

You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three of the primary colors.<\/p>\n

You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint to defend your sister's honor.<\/p>\n

You idea of talking during sex is \"Ain't no cars coming, baby!\"<\/p>\n

Your vehicle has a two-tone paint job--primer red and primer gray.<\/p>\n

The tobacco chewers in your family aren't just men.<\/p>\n

Yer mom calls ya over t'help, cause she has a flat tire...on her house<\/p>\n

The ASPCA raids yer kitchen<\/p>\n

Ya have to check in the bottom yer shoe for change so ya can get grandma a new plug of tobacco<\/p>\n

Foreplay consists of slipping off her saddle<\/p>\n

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart cause there is a law against it.<\/p>\n

Ya celebrate groundhog day (cause ya believe in it!!)<\/p>\n

You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado,<\/p>\n

You fish in your above-ground pool, especially if you catch something!<\/p>\n

When a sign that says \"Say No To Crack!\" reminds you to pull up your jeans.<\/p>\n

Helping your cousin, Billy-Bob, move into his new place consists of the wheels off his doublewide (in memory of Chris \"No House\" Skowronski)...<\/p>\n

Your beer can collection is considered a tourist attraction in your home town.<\/p>\n

You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.<\/p>\n

Getting a package from your post office requires a full tank of gas in the truck.<\/p>\n

\"Buck Naked Line Dancing\" isn't a videotape, it's \"Ladies Night\" at the local bar.<\/p>\n

Your wife wants to stop at the gas station to see if they've got the new Darrell Waltrip Budweiser wall clock.<\/p>\n

You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.<\/p>\n

You're moved to tears everytime you hear Dolly Parton singing \"I Will Always Love You\".<\/p>\n

Dolly Parton reminds you of the `Grand Tetons'. (of course this is a very sophisticated sophisticated redneck joke... if you laughed... you must be a redneck, only they will get this one.)<\/p>\n

You grow Vidalia onions, rather than considering them a gourmet item.<\/p>\n

Your Momma would rather go the racetrack than the Kennedy Center. (Clinton true-life story)<\/p>\n

The most serious loss from the earthquake was your Conway Twitty record collection (you insurance man is one too if he pays you for it).<\/p>\n

You actually made a pyramid of cans in the pale moonlight with Alan Jackson.<\/p>\n

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.<\/p>\n

You've ever hit a deer with your car... on purpose! \"<\/p>\n

You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.<\/p>\n

Your mom gives you tips on how to sneak booze into sporting events.<\/p>\n

You've ever parked a Camero in a tree.<\/p>\n

Exxon and Conoco have offered you royalties for your hair.<\/p>\n

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.<\/p>\n

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.<\/p>\n

Your classes at school were cancelled because the path to the restroom was flooded.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t<< Previous Volume\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div>
\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\tNext Volume >>\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

You gene pool doesn’t have a “deep end” “Honey? Are the lights out? Is the door locked? Is the parking brake set?” is what you hear right before you and your wife\/girl make love Your `huntin dawg’ cost more than the truck you drive him around in. You’d rather catch bass than get some (if you […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":6633,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-12322","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12322","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12322"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12322\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12331,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12322\/revisions\/12331"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6633"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12322"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}