{"id":12300,"date":"2017-11-16T06:31:03","date_gmt":"2017-11-16T13:31:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/site\/?page_id=12300"},"modified":"2017-11-16T06:35:12","modified_gmt":"2017-11-16T13:35:12","slug":"tidbits-of-humor-volume-1","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/home-3\/quote-corner\/tidbits-of-humor\/tidbits-of-humor-volume-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Tidbits of Humor Volume 1"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.<\/p>\n

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...<\/p>\n

3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.<\/p>\n

Why is \"abbreviation\" such a long word?<\/p>\n

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.<\/p>\n

...Every morning is the dawn of a new error...<\/p>\n

A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee.<\/p>\n

For people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord.<\/p>\n

I can see clearly now, the brain is gone...<\/p>\n

The beatings will continue until morale improves.<\/p>\n

I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.<\/p>\n

Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.<\/p>\n

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.<\/p>\n

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.<\/p>\n

There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.<\/p>\n

I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.<\/p>\n

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?<\/p>\n

A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.<\/p>\n

I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.<\/p>\n

Don't be so open-minded your brains fall out.<\/p>\n

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!<\/p>\n

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.<\/p>\n

Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your way.<\/p>\n

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?<\/p>\n

If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.<\/p>\n

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.<\/p>\n

Don't look back, they might be gaining on you.<\/p>\n

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.<\/p>\n

Help Wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply.<\/p>\n

Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either.<\/p>\n

Budget: A method for going broke methodically.<\/p>\n

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.<\/p>\n

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.<\/p>\n

Do witches run spell checkers?<\/p>\n

Demons are a Ghouls best Friend.<\/p>\n

Copywight 1994 Elmer Fudd. All wights wesewved.<\/p>\n

Dain bramaged.<\/p>\n

Department of Redundancy Department<\/p>\n

Headline: Bear takes over Disneyland in Pooh D'Etat!<\/p>\n

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.<\/p>\n

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted.<\/p>\n

COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key<\/p>\n

Buy a Pentium 586\/90 so you can reboot faster.<\/p>\n

2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.<\/p>\n

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.<\/p>\n

Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.<\/p>\n

My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.<\/p>\n

C:\\WINDOWS C:\\WINDOWS\\GO C:\\PC\\CRAWL<\/p>\n

C:\\DOS C:\\DOS\\RUN RUN\\DOS\\RUN<\/p>\n

<-------- The information went data way --------><\/p>\n

Best file compression around: \"DEL *.*\" = 100% compression<\/p>\n

The Definition of an Upgrade: Take old bugs out, put new ones in.<\/p>\n

BREAKFAST.COM Halted...Cereal Port Not Responding<\/p>\n

The name is Baud..., James Baud.<\/p>\n

BUFFERS=20 FILES=15 2nd down, 4th quarter, 5 yards to go!<\/p>\n

Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!<\/p>\n

C:\\> Bad command or file name! Go stand in the corner.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>

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\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\tNext Volume >>\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder… 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can’t. Why is “abbreviation” such a long word? Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. …Every morning is the dawn of a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"parent":6631,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"class_list":["post-12300","page","type-page","status-publish","hentry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12300","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/page"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12300"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12300\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12307,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/12300\/revisions\/12307"}],"up":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/pages\/6631"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.kirkhalliday.com\/kh\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12300"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}