The earth is like a tiny grain of sand, only much, much heavier.
The human spirit is a very hard thing to kill. Even with a chainsaw.
Save a tree. Eat a beaver.
Save water. Shower with a friend.
Conscious is when you are aware of something, and conscience is when you wish you weren't.
The Martian canals were the Martians' last ditch effort.
Pardon me, but is that Grey Poupon on those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing?
San Diego: The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
A new name for Political Correctness: Euphemasia.
My parents put us to sleep by tossing us up in the air. Of course, you have to have low ceilings for this method to work.
Bad cop! No donut!
Celibacy is not hereditary.
The goal of science is to build better mousetraps.
The goal of nature is like money because you have to copy the design exactly.
The only thing houseflies fear more than the Venus fly trap is the hanging plant.
At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.
The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.
For my sister's 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.
As of 1992, they'll be called European Economic Community fries.
Horses just naturally have mohawk haircuts.
Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.
I bought a portable cable tv.
Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.
I liked "Slaughterhouse 5", but I can't find the first four anywhere.
A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets. All they found was a pile of dust.
There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend. - Katharine Butler Hathaway
To give a generous hope to a man of his own nature, is to enrich him immeasurably. - William Ellery Channing
Hell is full of the talented but Heaven of the energetic. - Saint Jane Francis de Chantal
The enthusiasitic, to those who are not, are always something of a trial. - Alban Goodier
We usually see only the things we are looking for - so much so that we sometimes see them where they are not. - Eric Hoffer
What a father says to his children is not heard by the world, but it will beheard by posterity. - Jean Paul Richter
The world is always ready to receive talent with open arms. Very often it does not know what to do with genius. - Oliver Wendell Holmes
A man is never astonished that he doesn't know what another does, but he is surprised at the gross ignorance of the other in not knowing what he does. - Haliburton
After you've heard two eyewitness accounts of an auto accident it makes you wonder about history. - Unknown
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. - Susan Ertz
Laws, like the spider's web, catch the fly and let the hawk go free. - Spanish Proverb
Gardening requires lots of water - most of it in the form of perspiration. - Lou Erickson
You can destroy your now by worrying about your tomorrow. - Janis Joplin
A gentleman is a man whose principal ideas are not connected with his personal needs and his personal succes.. - W. B. Yeats
Pay attention to your enemies, for they are the first to discover your mistakes. - Antisthenes
It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can do only a little. Do what you can. - Sydney Smith
Peace is not made at the council table or by treaties, but in the hearts of men. - Herbert Hoover
Law and justice are not always the same. When they aren't, destroying the law may be the first step toward changing it. - Gloria Steinem
Envy eats nothing but its own heart. - German Proverb
I held a moment in my hand, Brilliant as a star, Fragile as a flower, A tiny sliver of one hour. I dropped it carelessly, Ah! I didn't know I held opportunity. - Hazel Lee
But I always think that the best way to know God is to love many things. - Vincent Van Gogh
I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - Alice Roosevelt Longworth
Great minds have purposes; little minds have wishes. Little minds are subdued by misfortunes; great minds rise above them. - Washington Irving
Experience teaches only the teachable. - Aldous Huxley
Age is not important unless you're a cheese. - Helen Hayes
There is more to life than increasing its speed. - Mahatma Gandhi