"What were you in civilian life?" "Happy, sir!"
I'm not a photographer. I just wear all this to lose weight.
I'm going insane and I'm taking you with me.
Team effort: a lot of people doing what _I_ say!
And Adam asked, "What's a headache?"
7.2 on the sphincter scale.
Dachshunds are really small crocodiles with fur.
Found God? If nobody claims Him in 30 days, he's yours!
Perform random acts of violence and senseless slaughter.
Okay, THAT'S IT! Arm the electric bagpipes.
I came to see you off, and you certainly are!
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Clinical studies show there are no answers.
My software never has bugs. It just develops random features.
Vertebrates...unquestionably gave rise to chiropractors.
There is a fine line between creative genius and insanity.
God always has another custard pie up his sleeve.
The thing most generally raised on land is taxes.
If the world is my oyster, where is my oyster knife?
If I were two faced, would I wear this one?
Seen on baby's bib: SPIT HAPPENS.
Windows ice cream...Hoggin' DOS.
Isometric: sign in the window of a modern tailor.
Health is the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
I'm starting a war for peace!
A husband is a lover who pushed his luck too far.
If it ain't broken, play with it until it is.
A squirrel is just a rat with good P.R.
Always be sincere, even if you don't mean it.
I'm not old, I'm chronologically gifted.
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for.
Try a new lease on life, and the landlord raises the rent.
Give me a tuna on rye, hold the mercury.
No...why, have YOU ever snorted laser toner?
Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional!
Amish bumper sticker: Caution! Do not step in exhaust.
Get your mind out of the gutter! Grab mine while you're there, please.
Exactly what time of morning did technology pass me by?
Elvis is dead and I don't feel so good myself.
When subtlety fails us we must resort to cream pies.
I've got morals. I just don't know where they are.
Watch the short jokes or I'll bite you on the ankle!
As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing.
You are in a twisty maze of little install diskettes.
Who do you call to exorcise software?
Glob thinkally, loc actally|InterNet Bumper Stickers
The time to make up your mind about people is...never.
If you want to know about paranoids, follow them around.
The world of children's publishing is bunny eat bunny.
Only the insane take themselves quite seriously.
For a bug-free environment do NOT run this program!
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
Deja moo: knowing you've herd all this bull before.
Real programmers use "copy con program.exe"
A language is a dialect with an army and navy.
I am Drunk of Borg. Resistance is floor tile.
Think you're confused? Wait until I explain it.
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for the career.
Freedom is doing what you like, happiness is liking what you do.
A naked man fears no pickpocket.